Doors and Windows....

This post is full of peace and serenity.

 It is what it is and for that, I am content and more complete.
 (Sometimes it is hard for me to believe that at 42, I am still learning these life lessons).

However, I need it in print...to read, reread and be reminded.  

And maybe, just maybe, it will resonate with you too.

I do best with analogies.

This post is all about doors and windows to the soul.

It might be the teacher in me or just the reality of who I am.  One who deeply loves, tries to be compassionate and understanding and one who doesn't understand "mean".  While I am a brutally honest person, I know that I communicate calmly and with respect for the person who I am talking to.

In the last year, I've come to realize that I can't please everyone.  Not everyone is going to like me.  And some people are just truly mean...and that is a quality I can not change, nor should I waste my energy to change or conform to.  I spent too much time wondering how I could get them to understand, communicate more or listen.  Lasting friendships/relationships should not be that much work.  Yes, I have a wide variety of friends and acquaintances.  But the relationships that matter can't be just one person always putting in the effort.  Therefore, I shut some doors....to my life, to my heart, to my soul.

This summer, I shut two doors on people.  No longer will I be a doormat for them and no longer will I allow them to cause emotional turmoil and harm to me.  One, I completely have shut out.  I plan on keeping it that way.  This person has no good motives and has caused nothing but pain in our life for as long as I can remember.  I ran out of my Polianna Positive a long time ago for this relationship but kept at it for a number of reasons.  No longer though. The other, is a relative.  So yes, I shut the door, but I'm keeping the window open.  They have chosen to pop their head in occasionally.  I guardedly let them.  It is with pleasantries, but by no means do they get a part of me.  I feel that by keeping the window open, there may come a time when I'll invite them in again (a.k.a.--open the door), but it will be on my terms.

Which brings me to this post.

I'm doing it again, but these are much closer to the heart for me.  I'm staying vague and won't reveal names, because it only matters to me.  But I'm shutting two doors.  Actually, I shut them this weekend.  Final straws, done, exhausted and let down disappointed again.  Interestingly, my windows will remain wide open for them.  But, I feel much more content with having control of my normal open door policy.  Truly, this won't make a change in our outward relationship...as far as they know...they come and go freely..which isn't very often anyway.  I will just not have any expectations....hence, no disappointments.

It's hard to explain the peace that this gives me.

It relieves worry and won't take up space on my runs, with "How can I....."

I sure hope that I can open the door for them again.  And I know without a doubt that I will enjoy the brief moments when they stick their head in the window, without longing to invite them in
and knowing they won't stay.

All of this being said...shockingly, it lets the door and window to my soul be that much freer for those who have been invited in.  I can give more, love more and share more.  I am filled with joy by these people...they are like the smell of warm cookies baking in the oven, or fresh flowers blossoming in the front yard.  They just make my soul a better, more beautiful place.